suffering from severe cuddle deficiency
I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering I love you repeatedly as they struggle to escape from my arms
I remember once I was talking to two guys and one of them was complaining about his parents when the second chimed in. “Try having four parents!”
We automatically assumed that he had divorced parents that got remarried. He corrected us; “No, there is a plot twist. My mom and dad never got married but had me. They were going to get married, but then my dad suddenly confessed he was gay. My mom was so relieved and said that she discovered she was a lesbian and was afraid to tell him. So they stayed together in the same house for me. Then eventually both got partners. So my dad has his husband and my mom has her wife.”
And the third kid just looks down at the ground for a really long time before whispering, “That’s gay. "
Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring and stupid and smell bad most of the time, someone probably saw you last week and wiped their sweaty hands on the insides of their pockets and thought about your body under your clothing and about how you would look asleep in their bed
how do i lose weight quickly and easily and also how do i gain the ability to fly and breathe fire and how do i cheat death
me before posting something on tumblr: no that could offend someone
you always think you can do something until one moment you just arent sure. then its 1am and youre thinking about how far to drive and what to buy and who to thank. how fast do i need to go for it to work this bc whats the point if it doesnt work. and will they forgive bc maybe hurting them is inevitable but maybe they dont care that much. i am so tired. i just dont see the point.
Jesus was a homeless Palestinian anarchist who held protests at oppressive churches, advocated for universal health care and redistribution of wealth, before being arrested for terrorism, tortured and executed for crimes against the state, now go ahead and explain to me why he’d vote conservative. I’ll wait.
i don’t think anyone actually likes me